Another Lightbulb Moment

This lightbulb moment is sponsored by Demesha ; )

So first off, allow me to apologize for allowing all of my posts to get several days behind. I have been working really hard the past week or so and have had absolutely no time for posting! So, allow me to catch you up:

Last week Demesha ( challenged me to do three things:
2. @ least 5 days this week w/ a minimum of 20 minutes of cardio each day.
3. POSITIVE THINKING - I want you to write down anytime you have a negative thought this week (when you can at least) and how you CHOSE to make it a positive thought. Send them to me on facebook (personal message) or by email on friday. I want to hear about you taking your thoughts captive and turning them into positive ones.

So last week, I accomplished numbers one and two easily and when I weighed myself Saturday, I was down to 323.8! That was a 7 pound weight loss in 5 days! I couldn't believe it! I worked out 6 days this week for at least an hour (actually Monday I did the stair climber and only managed to go for 20 minutes...yikes was that a painful 20 minutes) so I worked SUPER hard...BUT the item on the Demesha Challenge that I really want to focus on in this blog is the 3rd item:

I have a problem with negative thoughts. They are so pervasive in my mind that I don't even notice them sometimes. Within the past three or four weeks, I have become more aware that they are there and they are detrimental to my success. I had been trying to combat them and then week before last, they got really bad. I was weighing myself every day. I didn't think I was doing myself any harm, just holding myself accountable. BAD IDEA. I was beating myself up soooo much for those dumb numbers that weren't going anywhere on the scale...and guess what happened weekend before last? I BINGED. I ate and ate and ate. I hadn't realized just how much of a negative impact that the scale has on me. It was a real "ah-ha moment" this week when I saw how much more focused I was without weighing myself. My mind was completely clear and focused. So jumping back to number 3 on the challenge--what negative thoughts did I have?


Even as I see it here typed out, I can't believe it. My mind has been so cluttered with self-destructive thoughts for so long, that I didn't hear them anymore until recently. Last week, I listened SO HARD for one of those thoughts. I even carried around a pad of paper and a pencil waiting to have the opportunity to write one down. I had even thought of positive thoughts to combat any potential negative thoughts that might come my way.


There was nothing. As I sat down to the computer last Friday to write down my thoughts for Mesha, I felt like she would think I had cheated and that I blew off the final part of the assignment. This wasn't the case at all. I put so much time and effort and thought into that one and I had nothing to show for it. Right as I was starting to feel a little disappointed, I turned to my husband and asked him how many negative thoughts he had about himself on a daily basis. He gave me a strange look and said, "Well sometimes I get down on myself, but I don't have daily negative thoughts." I pushed him further and said, "So you haven't thought anything bad about yourself today?" His answer was no. I stopped and looked back at my computer screen and the blank message that I had for Demesha and I started sobbing. Jamie jumped over to me and started asking if I was alright and if he had said something wrong and I just looked at him and said, "I have been so abnormal for so long that I don't even know what normal is."

It isn't normal to have so many negative thoughts about yourself. It isn't normal to wake up thinking terrible things about yourself, your body, your life and go to be thinking the same things. That's awful! I realized just how captive I was holding my body. I have been a hostage to my mind and my thoughts for so many years.

All of a sudden I felt a door unlock. Dr. Phil has 7 doors to weight loss, and one of the first ones that you have to "unlock" is turning around your thinking. Friday night, I turned it around. I all of a sudden had a mirror held up to my face and realized how terribly I had been treating myself emotionally: this is why I have anxiety, this is why I drink, this is why I am big, this is why I am gruff and distant, it explained so much. Negativity is kind of like quick sand, the deeper you get into it, the further and further you sink and the harder it is to see how to escape. I am just in awe of how quickly my thinking changed once I was aware of it.

Honestly, I don't know if the seven pounds I lost this week were fat at all. I think it was 7 pounds of negativity I let go.

If you are reading this, and having negative thoughts about yourself, take #3 of the Demesha Challenge this week. Send me your results and see if you can't trap those thoughts before they take root in your mind. The difficult task of losing weight becomes so much easier when you can unlock the chains that have been holding you back. I have posted this before, but I'll post it again because it is such a vivid description of "the fat girl mentality" that is apropos to this post:

"If you have ever been to a circus, perhaps you have seen six-ton elephants tethered by rope to little wooden stakes. Have you ever wondered why one of these powerful animals doesn't yank that stake out of the ground and stampede off? When the elephants are young and powerless, they are attached by heavy chains to immovable steel stakes. The baby elephants tug and pull, but no matter how hard they try, the chains will not come out of the ground. As the elephants grow and get stronger, they come to believe that they cannot move anywhere as long as there is a stake in the ground nearby, no matter how tiny or weak the stake. They don't try to break loose because they think they can't. So it is with people. If you are like those circus elephants, you've allowed your thoughts and actions to limit you, and like those elephants, you may not have been aware that you had choices. Well, you may not have been aware before, but I'm telling you now that you do have choices, you do have power, now you know. You don't have to stay mindlessly tied to stakes of wrong thinking and self-destructive behavior. You can pull up the stakes of wrong thinking and self-destructive behavior. You can "pull up the stakes," transcend your conditioning, and reprogram yourself for success rather than failure."

--The Ultimate Weight Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw

Thank you, Mesha.


Leigh Ann said...

Every time I read your posts here, I just find myself wanting to jump up and down screaming, "Yahoo!!!!" I just want to give you a big ol' hug. Let's get together when I get back from vacation and have dinner or something so I can, okay?! :) SO proud of you!

Lindsay said...

You are such an inspiration! Thanks for sharing and opening up! Your strength is amazing, and I can see how far you've come in just a few weeks...thanks for the daily inspiration - and I'm going to try your challenge, I'll report back next week!

Lindsay said...

You are such an inspiration! Thanks for sharing and opening up! Your strength is amazing, and I can see how far you've come in just a few weeks...thanks for the daily inspiration - and I'm going to try your challenge, I'll report back next week!

Michelle said...

I'm so proud of you!!

Mesha said...

I LOVE YOU VALERIE! I am sooo sorry that I am behind in my reading a commenting. You are daily making me proud and I just have to smile. Keep up the good work girl, hope to talk to you on the conference call tomorrow and if not - some time this week. Stay focused and keep motivating other people.


Mesha said...

...OH...and you said you ONLY managed to do 20 minutes - that's not an ONLY, that's incredible. That stair master isn't a stroll in the is one fierce friend with a bad temper!

Cheryl B said...

I am friends with Demesha through work, and I just wanted you to know that I loved this blog, and I am sending it to my sister for my neice. My neice is over 200 pounds and only 16. She hard on herself sometimes and it worries me. A lot of the time she blames her weight on how her father shops at the grocery store (which she is partially right). I will keep you posted to let you know if your blog helped her out. Thanks a bunch!

BEE said...

im new to your blog
wow you are burning some major calories
awesome job
keep up the great workouts