Cardi-OH!

So Monday, I went to the gym and managed to get in an hour on the elliptical, but MAN was I struggling. I don't know what was going on! It was one of those workouts where you sweat and you hurt and you feel every breath...I was so happy when that hour was OVER!!! I just kept on trying to psych myself out with the clock. I wouldn't allow myself to look at it. Sometimes that helps me with cardio. They have t.v.s at my gym, so I'll watch the t.v. and try to get really into a show and then allow myself to look at the clock during commercial breaks. It seems to make it go a little faster. It still is tough, but at least it distracts me. I have found that is the battle with me 9 times out of 10...finding a way to distract myself. If I am successful, I can do anything, if not, watch out...I am gonna be whining my way through my workout. But I don't give up. I just tell myself to suck it up and go. Speaking of sucking it up and going, after my dreadful workout, I still had my wall sits to do, so I did my 5 minutes of wall sits after working out and lemme tell you, if you are looking to strengthen those thighs really quickly and not spend money doing it...WALL SITS. Find your nearest wall, pull up an imaginary chair and sit. OUCH! Thanks for the challenge, Anna!


Tuesday, I got dressed and was having a hard time deciding what to wear. I wanted to wear a dress, so I decided to try on one of my sundresses from two years ago. I hadn't worn it in quite some time because it was too tight. It was still a little snug, but I sure as heck wore it to work yesterday. It made me feel good see that I was beginning to fit in a smaller dress size. I have definitely started noticing a difference in my legs and my rib area. I feel like the weight is coming off from the top of my head downwards and the bottom of my feet upwards. Unfortunately, my mid-section still seems a bit unphased. Oh well. All in due time, all in due time.



For my workout yesterday, I couldn't believe what I did!! I was driving home from work and all of a sudden this evil little voice comes out and says..."Why don't you try to run for 20 minutes straight?" Uh...I tried to ignore the voice, but it kept plaguing me and getting louder and louder until I had the impulse to actually give it a try. Like I had on the stair climber, I got sweaty feet...as I always do when I get nervous. I wasn't sure that this was a good idea. I could give myself a heart attack...I could hurt my knee...I could inflame my shin splints. Man...I had a whole list of things that I just knew were going to go wrong. So I decided I would do it and I drug along the guy who rents our basement to call 9-1-1 when I had a heart attack. I started out okay, I ran a lap and 100 meters into the second lap, I was DYING. My legs were screaming, I kept thinking about how long the track was, how much time was left; I knew I wouldn't make it unless I could psych myself out. So I decided to run at the end of the track were they usually have the high jump. I couldn't tell how far I was running then and a lap around that little area wasn't far at all. This way I only had to whine about how long I had and how bad my legs were hurting. Well, I believe most people walk faster than I was running (let's just say I would have been a shoo-in for that slo-mo running sequence in "Chariots of Fire"). But FINALLY Nick came and collected me at my end of the track and I SOMEHOW ran the rest of the lap completing my 20 minutes.



HOLY COW.



When I started this process June 1st, I couldn't run 60 seconds without stopping. Seriously...I couldn't run 60 seconds. I haven't run for 20 minutes since I was in high school. I am so proud of myself. I don't say that to sound like I have a big head, but I say it cause I need to hear it. I never tell myself that "I am proud of me." We should all do that a lot more often than we do. As I was reflecting yesterday I realized that I had always looked to others to find acceptance and love of myself. I told one of my friends yesterday that : "I always thought love would fix me, and I was right, love does fix a person...but it's not the love I was looking for. It is the love that is always there. I should have been looking for the love of myself to fix me...not the love of myself by someone else." After I wrote it, I looked back at it and started thinking, do I really love myself? Am I really giving myself the credit I deserve? No. So one of my goals this week is to occasionally celebrate myself and praise myself. It's just one more layer of the cocoon that must be unravelled.


So yes, my running adventure yesterday coined my new phrase for cardio...from now on, it will always be called cardi-OH! Cause that's all I can do afterwards...say "oh..gasp..gasp...I am dying!" or "OH...gasp...gasp...I'll never make it." or "OH...gasp...gasp...THANK THE LORD I AM FINISHED!!" : )


I came home and did my planks (compliments of Demesha) and BOY do those monsters hurt. I did 3 minutes worth of them. You know it's a good exercise if your whole body is shaking as you are doing it. OUCH.

OH! And I joined "Operation Fat Blaster" today...you should too. Michelle wants all of us to set a goal, and I am trying to come up with what mine will be. I might keep it kinda vague. I just want to keep losing weight and gaining strength. But we'll see what I come up with. I suppose that's all I have for now! Happy weight loss!