Eliminating the "Frustration Thinking"

I need to start with something positive today. Last night, I went on the elliptical for 30 minutes and burned 482 calories. It came out to about 2 miles. The last 5 minutes I did it at the highest level...my dog-gone legs were about to fall off! Afterwards, I walked a lap around the track and realized my shin splints weren't going to cooporate after the long walk yesterday, so I got on the bike. I stayed on it for 30 minutes and burned 254 calories...around 7.8 miles. So total: 736 calories wasn't anything to sneeze at. I was pretty proud, so I went home after the bike. (And while I am on the subject...does anyone else hate the recumbent bike because it makes your butt fall asleep and makes the bottom of your feet burn? I hate that, but I digress!) I noticed yesterday that my heart rate wasn't going up as high as it has been. Maybe I am finding a groove in this whole thing. I felt in the zone the whole time I was on the elliptical. I was in a pattern and it flew by. That made me happy.

Okay...so on with the soapbox/lesson learned of the day:

Man am I struggling!! Not with my motivation, but with the way I think. That dang scale that stares at me every morning in the bathroom is going to be my ruin! I can't resist the urge to stand on it every morning and scrutinize every tenth of a pound. This is not helpful thinking. Once again, for as corny as I feel admitting it, Dr. Phil McGraw is a genius. His book is my personal bio to a "t." I am one who internalizes all my past failures and wallows in the blame. I am working on letting the negative aspects of this type of thinking disappear. Sometimes it is good to accept the blame...but it's that frustration thinking that gets in my way of it staying healthy.

For example, here's how my mornings go: Valerie wakes up (begrudgingly) stumbles into the bathroom, pitters around and inevitably finds herself standing on the scale. "What!! It only moved by .4??? Are you serious? I worked so hard yesterday! I am so mad at myself!" (frustration thinking), Valerie gets into the shower and ponders that measly .4 lb. difference and internalizes it and ponders and grunts and ponders and groans and ponders and etc. etc. etc. until the cycle turns into a destructive thought: "I'll never do this" or "You are kidding yourself." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Keep in mind, this is with a .4 lb. weight loss in a day. We won't even discuss the days when there is an extra pound there!!

These are they types of thoughts I MUST DISPOSE OF IMMEDIATELY! These thoughts are the beginnings of the failure of every diet I have ever been on. There's one difference this time, though...I know they are there! In the past, I didn't necessarily think that being hard on myself was a bad thing. I would let these crazy thoughts run through my mind all day long and let them drive me to distraction and ultimately failure. I recognize those thoughts now. I have a little Brinks Security System installed in my mind that goes off when one runs through. You can't change what you don't recognize. These thoughts will NOT sink me this time. I need to find my "weight loss zen." But like the pounds, these negative thoughts and tendencies to mentally beat myself up aren't going to disappear overnight. I imagine they'll take just as long (if not longer) to get rid of as 196 pounds. Oh well, this isn't a race...it's a process. I just keep having to drown myself in the process day after day. I'll get there...so until then I am proud of my .4 loss on the scale this morning darn it!!!

Maybe I'll lock the scale in a closet and take it out on the last day of the month from now on.

Oh! I am super excited! I bought the bodybugg today. We'll see how it works. It was pretty stinkin expensive, but I did a whole lot of research and people seemed genuinely pleased with the equipment and the service. I'll keep everyone updated on how it works.